Yes, Let's

Santa has a big face

2006-12-06T19:41:00.000-08:00

A "slice of life" play called giant santa:
Little country girl: mama, why is giant santa so big?
country mom: santas come in all sizes. some are so small you can't see them without science.
l.c.g.: was giant santa the only thing at the lousy holiday bizarre?
c.m.:yes, pumpkin, giant santa was the only good thing there unless you like country crafts.
l.c.g: i'm a little country girl, i like country crafts!
c.m. : me too sweety. now lets sip cocoa and enjoy all 24 square feet of giant santa!

the internet prodigal son comes home, homes!

2006-12-05T17:50:00.000-08:00

hey ya'll. christmas is great so far. i'm just getting over my nasty flu that i got the other day. i slept from 6:30 pm to 5:00 pm the next day! if you can beat that, say so in the comments and if you can have it verified i'll send you a cold natty ice, suckers. our tree is not complete yet we need to get a few more things
but it is standing on its own and sparkling. iff your tree is up and you can verify it ill sent you a natty ice for that too , suckers.

headphone news: my rolling stone magazine mix did not disappoint. my latest jams/finds are: television-marquee moon, billy bragg- new england, jay z-99 problems, shangri las-leader of the pack(yes that one), etta james- at last, daniel johnston- monkey in the zoo & walking the cow and any 60's girl groups and soul.

more headphone news: to check and see if your headphones rule just listen to bjork-one day, elvis costello- i want you, christina aguilera- i am beautiful ,dungen-panda or etta james- at last.

more later. and remember be courteous to others when listening to headphones so you don't bother anyone and be cautious of damaging your hearing. love ya'll . peace

fine

2006-12-04T18:36:00.000-08:00

fine, i'll blog. i haven't been blogging because there are more fun things to do in the morning than blog. for example i enjoy looking at rolling stone magazine's 500 greatest rock songs or pitchfork's 200 greatest songs of the 60's and then downloading them on limewire so i can listen to them on the train with my christmas grado headphones. also check out boingboing.net and i like to look at http://www.animationarchive.org/ so i can get inspired to make cool things at work. more later

my poor finger

2006-02-03T13:30:00.000-08:00

hey y'all. i hurt my finger. that's why i didn't put an exclamation point at the end of "hey y'all." i was cutting some foam core with a ruler and an exacto knife at work and i slipped and hit my index finger. "ouch!" i said. so i helped a customer find her soup( i know, what a trooper) and show my bosses. they thought it was gross and sent me to abington hospital. it was nice sitting and waiting in the ritsy suburban hospital and not in some downtown, scary gunshot/stabbing place. there was a really short wait. most of the patients were there for rough hands do to polishing silver or splinters from their scooners or sore wrists from shuffle board. anyway the nurses were ruthless with cleaning the wound. like, they were not shy about getting right in there and scubbing. i got a tetnis shot and im fine today. im recovering at home for a while. see ya later

im back

2006-01-27T16:27:00.000-08:00

Guess what? i'm back you nimrods. where have i been? all over. who did i see? everybody. dr. dog is my new favorite band and the bass player lives below me. trader joe's sucks here and i'm making the most of it by making the worst of my behavior. i love everyones accent here. they sound really tuff. someone pooped on the floor at trader joe's and tracked it all over the produce section. one of my bosses went to the same elementary school, middle school and high school as emily. they don't know eachother but they know all the same people. my real boss thinks im a shitty trader joe's artist. maybe all draw him crying and sucking his thumb. my band has a gig sunday afternoon. more later.

almost done at the pet store

2005-10-24T18:38:00.000-07:00

the guy in the photo is prince. i painted the area where the dogs play. i put them i the kennel so they wouldn't eat paint.

chatsworth rebels

2005-10-08T21:43:00.000-07:00

work was pretty fun. ralphy wanted to take me to mcdonalds so i went with him and ricky. ralphy has a 60's impala in what some call the," rat rod" style. that is, painted primer grey and looking pretty junky and in-progress but actually very well taken care of. on the was ricky was asking me why i never put him on a chalk board since i put everyone else and i explained that when ever we do a display with tampons or lotion i'll put his face on a board. the lady at mcdonalds drive thru didn't get the order just right and i was confused as to who had what and so forth so i was like," what is this? i had coke. is this water or sprite or what?!" i think i was a little too nasty cause ricky did an impression of me saying," fuggin micah, bro,' im an artist give me my coke!..awesome." oh yea, ralphy revved the engine at every stop, turn, yield, ect and rode everyone's tail all the way there and back. scary. back at trader joe's we ate our mcdonalds in the parking lot. ralphy left the doors open so we could blast the doors while we ate. it was very loud. then we talked about game shows and people we knew who had been on one.

entertainment news

2005-10-06T09:25:00.000-07:00

hey yall, tonight...... conan......U2 the entire show.......im staying up.

i you guys ever have the chance to work with al pacino, do it. it's a no brainer.from what i hear he is amazing to work with. everyone says so. also robert deniro. if you get a chance to work with him jump on it. just... trust me on this one.

pet store

2005-10-03T21:07:00.000-07:00

Well, im still working at the pet store. i told him it might take two weeks. it has been months. i'm not terribly concerned because i was reading that my mural hero graham rust misjudged a mural by 9 years. it's hard to work in that little dog area because they keep pooping. emily usually comes with me to visit the animals. she helps me clean the poop. two of the pomeranians got kind of sick and made some offensive dribbles all over. emily was trying to get me to shut up because a couple was sitting very close having a special moment with one of the dogs and she felt i was about to ruin the sale by saying. "oh, lord! oh my gosh! that is not your food! get away from there!" i couldn't stop though. i was very offended. there i blogged.

pet store stuff.

2005-07-28T07:17:00.000-07:00

Hey Ya'll, how have i been?. oh pretty good i guess. can't complain. i'm working with a wonderful guy at this pet store. he doesn't feed me but it's still good to work for him. hey, i guess i just learned a little lesson about myself. i'd rather have good working conditions than free food. i had to go back to the stinky, smelly chatsworth store this week (35-50 minutes away). i'd been at the glorious, wonderful silverlake store (5-7 minutes away) and it ruled. i'm goin to work at both stores now. compromise. i can live with that. back to the pet store.

the pups get groomed in a van outside. a crazy hollywood type drives up and grooms the dogs then hangs out a speaks sarcastically to the dogs like they're real assholes or something . Example,"oh sure, just sit there!" she also makes a strange noise to the dogs that sounds like an old fashioned telephone ring. also, in all her stories her friends are 90. this is the story she told to the owner of the store.

"do you know who moosie dryer is? well, he was a big star in the 70's. he was on like, laugh in and a bunch of other shows. anyway, he had this poor old yorky, sweetest thing. he was about 15 years old and he had some bowel problems and joint problems. he could barely walk and they were afraid they might have to put him down but they found a water therapist that would work with him. she was $15,000! well, one day i was driving to their house and when i got out of the car a saw a dead bird on the road. now, usually i don't look at dead animals because it makes me depressed but for some reason i got an overwhelming sense of calm and peace. i went over and looked at this bird and it was the most beautiful bird i had ever seen. it looked so peaceful. then i noticed he was pointed right at moosie's front door and i knew their dog was going to be ok. i knocked on moosie's door and i told him, " rosko's going to be fine, a life has been exchanged."

i was reeling at this story because i couldn't believe this lunacy. but, if a life had been exchanged, a life had been exchanged.

BEN

2005-07-06T22:12:00.000-07:00

i probably already told this story because its old but i feel like telling it.

one of my bosses at trader joe's chatsworth is ben. he is a very good looking latino man about 40 years old.

Bad things about ben: he wanted me to paint his kitchen because he was doing all this work to his new house. for the subject, he wanted a window looking onto romanian hillside. it was based on a photo he had taken while visiting a trader joe's couple that moved there. everything went fine but as usual i was counting on getting paid right away because we needed some cash fast! so i finished up and waited for him to get home at 4:00pm. At12:00am i was still touching little things up because he wasn't home yet! finally he shows up and he is teeeeeerashed. like, i can't understand anything he is saying. it sounded like someone doing a poor imitation of a drunk. he did like the painting i guess because he kept saying, "woooooow." he also said,"i have to get up at 4:ooam tomorrow." and, "is it alright if i pay you thursday?" i said "well, can you pay me half tomorrow?" and he agreed so i cleaned up and he zoned out in his chair staring "into" the painting which i guess was a compliment of sorts. the next morning i went to work at 8:00am and my real boss said, " were you with ben last night?" i said," yea, i'm painting his kitchen." i found out he didn't get there till right before i did, not at 4:00. i didn't tell them he was drunk. ben joked about it a little and asked me if he could pay me on thursday. I asked him again if he could give me half today and he agreed again and i was to meet him at the bank after work.

i show up at the bank and here swerves in ben teeeerashed into the bank parking lot. he went in and got me some money and said , " oh, you dripped onto the wall below the painting." i said,"oh sorry i'll come over tomorrow and touch it up." he said,"yeah, i was like,'that's not like him.'" in this wispery voice. i wanted to say,"look at you. you're drunk in the washington mutual parking lot!"but i didn't.

climax:I go over the next day and guess what? he is teeeerashed. i painted over my drip and he told me about romania and how nice the people were. he said ,"do you want to try lk;adfgog? it's what they drink in romania." i said i'd try a little. it was in this sketchy looking big jar with no label. it tasted like gasoline so i only pretended to drink it while he put on some romanian music. he likes his romanian music loud. lets call it ,percussive and trebly. he said,"now you can't tell anyone at trader joe's this." and he got his photos out. i thought it was unusual for him to say that. like, everything else he would be fine with me sharing in the breakroom but whatever. all the photos were of like prostitutes with their hands covering their boobs and topless swimmers at the local romanian pool. one photo he really liked a lot. it was of romanian teen twins eating icecream at the pool in bikinis, including tops. i said, "how old are those girls?" "oh, there probably like 17 but it's all good there." he said, "can you paint this in my bathroom!" i said, " no, you better not dude. jen will kill you." (jen is his roommate). i'm not proud of this next part but i needed money. i said,"why don't i paint it for you on canvas. then you can hang it anywhere you want." he said,"that's a good idea. then if i meet someone and she doesn't like it i can just take it down."good.

the next morning he called me sober and said,"hey micah, did you start on that painting yet?" i said ,"no." he said, "yeah... lets hold off on that for a little while."

Side note 1: when i had finished the painting and was waiting for ben, his roommate was there with me. i was looking to see what i thought of the final product. i said," i think i goes pretty good in here." jen said,"honestly... i don't think it looks that good." i wasn't offended, i just held very still because i was in a light state of shock. i didn't know what to say to that.

Side note 2: although i know alcoholism is a serious and sad disease it still didn't stop me from sharing ben's antics and teen twins photo with some of my trusted compodres at work. i know. i'm a jerk.

Good things about ben: at work ben lets you get away with murder! i wanted some fancy chalks that cost $96.00. i had bought some before but it was only because they were half price at swain's. my chalks were getting pretty ragged so i waited till ben was in charge one night and said," hey ben, can i get some new chalks?" he said,"sure. how much do you need?" i said, "oh, like $120.00." and he gave me it without a beat.

another time i wanted a drill. i already bought a drill but i was timid and bought a piece'o'shit black and decker and it sucked. same deal. he gave me $220.00 to get a new drill. the next day i overheard my real bosses talking about how the regional was on their asses about spending too much. i kept thinking about my beautiful drill in the back they hadn't seen. i confessed to my real bosses and they didn't seem to care that much.

wow you read the whole thing. comment and use the word gluten and i'll give you a prize next time i see you.

post holiday blues

2005-07-05T16:49:00.000-07:00

the forth of july is my favorite holiday. you might say," but christmas has presents, tons of cheer and it's jesus birthday". to that i would say, "that's all true but the stress of presents and family obligations knocks it out of first place for me." then you might say, "what about Halloween? you get to dress up and eat candy." sorry dude. i eat candy whenever i want anyway and my costumes were always homemade, shitty and cardboard. in that order. so i don't have that many fond memories. forth of july is fun because it's warm, and it's easy, you just show up. this year did not disappoint. i had a three day weekend and did something terrific each day. thanks to the virtual porch guys for inviting me to the hill with them. what a stress reliever. then we had a great party at papa paterson's house. it was a little bittersweet cause the guests of honor were moving away which blows and i was reminded that the teal rules and she doesn't live here anymore either. but other than that it ruled. then on the real forth we went to emily's bosses house. amazing. i tried 4 different kinds of wine all over $150! yowza, i felt like a greek gorging myself on grilled food and wine. now all that's over. ah well, back to the pet store.

Idea time.

You: i need a haircut but i don't wanna get one.
Me: why?
You: because i don't know if i'll have anything to talk to the haircutter about.
Me: i was in the same situation a week ago. i decided the best thing to do was to bring some trivia cards from one of the games i had lying around the house and give him or her a trivia quiz while he/she cuts my hair.
You: that's a good idea!
Me: thank you.
You: how'd it go?
Me: aw, i forgot the cards so i just used some trivia i already had stored in my head.
You: i think i'll cut my own hair

good idea

2005-06-21T02:19:00.000-07:00

i think i just thought of the next phase of cosmetic surgery. you know how braces make everyones teeth look pretty much the same? and plastic surgery has a specific look of an idealized face it's aiming towards? and don't you agree that some of the most attractive people you've seen have interesting or unusual features? it seems like a good plastic surgion could look at someones face and know that they would look amazing if their ears stuck out out more or something. you know, to go beyond looking perfect and put in some inperfections. or like an orthodontist could make his patient's teeth perfect, only with one nice gap right in the middle. i've seen some nice teeth that have a gap between every tooth and it looks great. trust me, these are some really good ideas.

i'm done

2005-06-21T01:37:00.000-07:00

i finished in ventura. it was pretty fun up there. i was there to make signs, not friends. so i didn't make any friends but my chalks were my friends. i told those fools i was staying till wednesday, suckers! ahhhh. what a feeling to be done.

Micah's hit List:
Hit! slick, multiple lane changes
Miss. driving too fast through parking lots and residential areas
Hit! OSH and downtown LA Home depot-in and out. no fuss no muss
Miss. every other lowes or home depot- pain in the ass every time
Hit! the killers
Miss. snow patrol
Hit! fixing your old expensive watch
Miss. wasting money on cheap dollar store/wal-mart watch
Hit! saving your recept
Miss. throwing garbage on the floor of your car
Hit! giving yourself extra time
Miss. cutting yourself short
Hit! sneaking reading material into work bathroom
Miss. pooping off the clock
Hit! making up your own songs to sing in the car
Miss. filthy work area
Hit! tonge scrapers
Miss. brushing your tonge
Hit! pulling long, rewarding ingrown hairs
Miss.trying to get premature ingrown hairs and making yourself bleed
Hit! figuring everything out yourself
Miss. listening to some retard at the store about how to or not to do something
Hit! new shoes
Miss! ripped shoes
Hit! 50's rock, glam rock, romantic do wop like earth angel
Miss! smooth jazz like spyro gyra
Hit! the clash
Miss! the offspring
Hit! gapped teeth
Miss. Yellow teeth
Hit! stainless steel or aluminium
Miss. bronze (sometimes)
Hit! elvis' version of blue moon
Miss. jessica's version of take my breath away

music review

2005-06-18T23:06:00.000-07:00

john mayers voice is really bad and gross. it's too breathy. it stinks like bad breath. i feel like he's trying to wisper/sing into my ear with warm taco breath. some people with good voices are: david bowie, brian setser, roy orbison, brian wilson, fatz domino, the platters, bono, built to spill, neil diamond etc.

111110010000111110010101010101011111000111010

2005-06-18T10:16:00.000-07:00

what's up foos. sorry i havn't written in a long time. i've been in ventura. you know the city. i like it up there. it's fun. emily was a vj on the internet but not anymore. she can tell about that on her blog. rock 'n' roll is superior to all other music.

andrew's alright

2005-05-19T20:24:00.000-07:00

The party at the hamilton's was fun. there were french fries. there were also vegetables as a healthy alternative. i got heart-smart and ate the vegetables. a had a few french fries. the hamiltons call them," freedom fries." i called them, "french fries" in front of them and they got, like, super pissed saying that the french wouldn't help us in iraq and all this stuff. and, like, if it wasn't for us they'd be speeking german right now and all this. i said i had to got to the bathroom but i really just hid in there for like ten minutes making "pssssssss" sounds. amanda is pretty progressive i guess but andrew is kinda.... i don't know. when i came out of the bathroom he accused me of taking his "field and stream" magazine into the bathroom with me. i told him i didn't know what he was talking about but then he searched all around for a long time. i guess he's been collecting them since 1992 or something and has every one in mint condition. oh well, the rest of the night was a success, i guess. andrew kept saying he gave the world's best back rubs and kept offering to rub my,"blue collar shoullders." i finally gave in so i could hear him shut up about it but it went on for a really long time and to be honest it kind of hurt. i'm still a little sore. i guess he must of given every one back rubs. i was glad i got mine first so it would be over and done with.

before i left andrew really wanted to show me his art collection so i let him. i thought it was going to be some of amandas paintings or something but instead it was all this, like, cows and old wooden fences painted on old saw blades and like ,cute country crafts but mostly it was like patriotic stuff like eagles and firemen. naaah, but andrew is cool though. he let me shoot at a cat in his back yard with his rifle. lates!

kids

2005-05-19T20:16:00.000-07:00

this little kid looked at me today and said to his sister, " uhg, look at that guy."

My blog blows.

2005-05-18T09:52:00.000-07:00

my blog blows. i need to write more. anyone ever make anything with fiberglass? fiberglass rules. you can make pedal cars, go-carts, sculptures etc... i tried to make fake bamboo but it turned ugly real fast. i'm still going to use it. it's just trader joes, after all. you should see what some of the other nimrods do to their store! my ex-arch enemy, stacy, left to san diego. it won't be the same with out her. it's fun to shop at work. i mean i have to go get supplies with TJ's money and it feels like i'm shopping for myself. i'm painting a pet store tonight. emily wants to get paid in a little dog. i want to get paid in squeeky toys.

things that rule:

1) gretsch guitars
2) 1930's streamliner cars
3) grado headphones
4) ducati, triumph, norton and BSA motorcycles
5) craftman style and victorian homes
6) June, July and August
7) mini cars
8) elaborate, homebuilt pedal cars ( see hermann-historica.com )
9) slick,LA driving moves
10) fancy cheeses
11) trader joe's coffee drinks

thanks

2005-05-12T14:46:00.000-07:00

jenny, thanks for watching the video. just to see if you really watched it, please tell me what kind of company the guy in the video is president of. is it A) adult daipers B)roller skates C)bubble gum or D)yard sticks?

more about mini-cars

2005-05-10T08:58:00.000-07:00

my mini car obsession paid off. i was designing the luxury go-cart i wanted to make and one of my bosses saw it and said, "ooh ooh, can you make a little woody that we can display flowers and beer and stuff on? that would be so cool!" so i get to make my little car. and on trader joe's dime! i'm excited. i still really want to make a go-cart pick-up that the kid can put his toys in and drive around. fun. needless to say.

tip: watch medium on monday nights. it's kind of scary and patricia arquette is very good in the role.

p.s. thanks, commuter matt, for watching the mini-car video and commenting

2005-05-03T09:04:00.000-07:00

hey ya'll, emily's new job rules. she brings home wonderful cheese and things. i hope she doesn't start hating cheese and refuse to bring it home anymore. Announcement! from this point on i am all about minicars. this is not some contrived quirking that i have adopted to try and make myself a character. this is very real. i must build a minicar. no more music, no more painting, just minicars. i don't know how to do a link but just look at this and get goose bumps - www.microcarmuseum.com .my mind was blown. i don't know if mine is going to be a pedal car or have a gas engine but i already have a lot of designs derived from ones i've seen on this web sight. watch the first video on the sight. it's cool.

listening list:

download these songs,
Richard Thompson...1952 Vincent Black Lightning......a cool song about a cool motorcycles with cool guitar playing
Desmond Dekkard...Israelites....a spirited prototypical ska song from the 60's
Emmylou Harris...Red Dirt Girls.....a sad and familiar story about small town friends
Love....Alone Again Or....this song rules. it will give you chills

2005-04-25T20:17:00.000-07:00

hey y'all, i haven't written you for a while. I've been very busy.after work i've been going over to michele's (from trader joe's) house to paint. nothing artistic. no murals, just no-nonsense faux finishes. the bitchy decorators that opened the chatsworth tj's (that means trader joe's) left a bunch of their painting supplies in the attic. i called statute of limitations on them coming back for them and used the rollers and stuff to paint michelle's. i also got my favorite tape measure from the filthy ladies-of-the-night. it was in the same box with the other stuff. you can see it if you want. let's just pick a common meeting place halfway between my house and your's.

something kind of funny happened. we were up on the roof and some drunk people were walking and talking below. we hid and emily yelled," there's gonna be a revolution." the i farted quite loudly and it sounded not unlike a tuba. no response from the people. it made us laugh though. it reminded me of a good time we had at kinkos. we were working at one of the computers and this girl over the cubicle wall was speaking to loud on her cell phone saying," you know what? there just following the crowd. they're just sheep. they aren't people they're sheep!" with no warning emily started saying, "baa-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-" you know, like a sheep? i thought i was gonna die. it was funny

vote micah for pope

2005-04-19T08:36:00.000-07:00

hey y'all, how's it going? i had a lot of fun at xio and alan's party. it was kind of fancy and very fun. the food ruled. the wine was really good. my mother-in-law bought us tires for both cars. the tires are fancy. it looks like i have four doilies on the bottom of my car. this woman loves tires. we could tell her that the engine keeps catching fire and she would suggest new tires.

i finally finished with my terrible downtown french job. oh man, i got my check and ran. the owner said, "alright, well, i guess i'll see you when we open our other stores. yeah, we'll have a shit load of work for you then." i was like, " tell me when you open a store in hell. then i'll see you." SLAM!

there are two brave pigeons who keep coming in our building. they would scare the bageses out of me cause i would leave when it was still dark and i wouldn't see these living things in my hallway until they were right there. the anticipation is the real scary thing because they're cornered so they have to fly by you're head to leave and you don't know when they're going to go for it. but they're getting braver now. they don't really move when you walk by. then, yesterday there was an egg under one of them. i suspected she was going to have a little one because she kind of had a rosie glow about her . also, last time she almost poked my eye out i thought, "hormones."

Listening list

Peggy Lee - Is that all there is? A very old song but one i'm sure you can relate to.
Joanna Newsom - plum, peach, pear A mysterious voice and weirdly addictive
Chavez - unreal is here Very good indie rock
The libertines - Can't stand me now This is the only one of their songs i like but i really like it
Portastatic - Baby A beautiful and wonderful version of the Os Mutantes classic

blog idea

2005-04-05T18:49:00.000-07:00

someone on the virtual porch should make a blog where you publish your best poop story. it can be anonymous or whatever but i think it's funny to hear people tell about pooping in their pants and other poop related trials and tribulations. call it the turd tribune or something. oh man, i just had another idea.

Idea zone!!!!!

You: i'm bored. i have no cable, a crumby antenna, no playstation portable and ive read all my books and magazines. i'm going back to bed now.
Me:hold on there. ol' micah has something to tell you. in my day we had something called a "magazine recycle bin" outside of kroger (we call it "ralphs" here). when we were bored..or to prevent boardom, i should say, we would dig through this recycle bin. we would never find any playboys or anything ( i know that's what you were thinking) but we would find all kinds of weird stuff. i found a ton of these nastalgia magazines for old folks that was just people remembering uneventful stories and telling cute thing their grandkids said. it made readers digest look like maxim or something. when i was finished with all of them i was kind of frustrated that i couldn't find anymore. so that's one thing you could do. try looking in post office trash cans while you're there. i look in our apartment's junk mail bin. fun huh.
You: i'm bored. i have no cable, a crumby antenna, no playstation portable and ive read all my books and magazines. i'm going back to bed now.

P.S. read this blog. www.meatball69holla.blogspot.com

advice for shoppers

2005-04-03T21:52:00.000-07:00

sup y'all! i only went to trader joe's today and not downtown. which rules. if you like store bought frappicino then you'll love tj's version. it's almost as tasty, they make you more alert and they're cheaper. let me tell you about the man i work for down town: i am painting above a ladies dressing room. i can see right in so when some lady wants to try something on, i take a little break. my boss asked what i was doing, and i told him and he told me it was ok; in fact, "good" if i see someone changing. he's french so he has a thick accent. he's a character. he breaks your parking meter for you so you don't have to pay. i actually work more for the old man's son. he poops with the door open. i should know, i walk in on him a lot.

Shoppers corner:

i already talked about where to get frapacinos. now, here are some other tips for shoppers.
if you need to get someone a gift, i have two ideas. the best one is, they have a device that can record your phone calls so you can record prank calls. anyone would want or need that sometime. another pretty good gift is a turtle. venders sell little turtles and birds and things downtown in "the alley". you should name it already and write the name on the bowl. another shopping topic- batteries. if you need AA batteries, instead of getting some junky ones from the dollar store down the street or millionare ones from the gas station, you should go to ikea and get their 10 pack for 2.99. they're very good and for the price you can afford to not steal anymore from work.

more nametag madness

2005-03-29T22:58:00.000-08:00

these name tags are becoming even more of a hassle (see earlier post). this guy has been asking for a grateful dead nametag since i was at the burbank store. that's over a year. he is very serious about it. he brings me resources too like, grateful dead merchandise catalogs and stuff. he kept wanting too much stuff on it too like, the grateful dead scull and the bears and the turtle. i asked him if he'd ever heard of k.i.s.s. you know, keep it simple, stupid ? and he said he had heard of it in AA. so the other night i thought, "oh, i guess i'll make mark a really nice name badge tonight." so i made him the best one i had ever made, i thought. it had the little skull, just perfect and i wrote his name in bones. i left it in the attic, where i work, to dry and told him it was up there. then when i came into work yesterday he said, " i need to talk to you. " i was all ears, naturally. he said," i appreciate you making the nametag and everything but you know the little lightning bolt inside the skull? well it's supposed to go at kind of an angle but you made it go straight up and down and i know it's just going to bug the hell out of me." i said, "what!?" anyway, he's very passionate about a dopey band so i'll make him another one. this time i'll get the angle right! by the way, it was like 5 degrees off.

Idea Time!!!!!!!!

You: aw shit, ever since i left my parent's house i haven't been able to watch classic rock videos. in fact i haven't been able to watch any videos at all and it doesn't look like i'm getting cable anytime soon. i think i'll just throw myself in front of the metro.
Me: wait! not so fast. i have a cheap and easy solution for you. you may not know this but your tv plays plenty of videos. many of your favorite artists too. and,these have the benefit of being short and to the point, tailor made for your attention span! they are brought to you by time/life every night after 10 or 11 and on weekend afternoons. you may have just flown by them thinking they were just infomercial but these shows are better than the albums they're selling because you can see all kinds of weird costumes and cool hair styles and beards and everything. you may have to sit through jethro tull but don't worry, he's only on a second. then you get to see david bowie in hi hey day with an eye patch! it isn't just classic rock either. its 50's, it love songs, it's 60's, it's am gold it's whatever you want. now get out there and watch tv. and try not to be such a pessimist.
You:i've seen those and they suck.
Me:you suck

Forgive what you are about to read.

2005-03-26T16:35:00.000-08:00

i painted downtown again yesterday. it kind of sucks. the store i'm painting added a dressing room so i'm matching the faux finish that was already there and then painting the store's name and some other things around. i told this lady the dressing room was too wet to use so, instead of waiting for the other one, she pulled off her pants right there. i just got scared and went the other way.

ok, picture this. there is a tall wall that doesn't go all the way too the ceiling. it seperates the front of the store from the back room. i stood on top of the dressing rooms and painted one side of the wall then i bent over the wall and painted the other side because it was easier to reach that way. with me so far? since i leaned up against the still wet wall i got paint all over the front of my pants. i went to work all day today wearing my painted pants. right before i left i saw in the mirror what looked like a "cock'n'ball" on my pants right where a real one might be. i checked and everything matched up. i had left a perfect impression when i bent over that wall. i sincerely hope no one noticed. i'm not posting any pictures of the pants.

favorite colors

2005-03-18T21:26:00.000-08:00

today something funny happened. a long time ago i made a sign with a monkey sticking his head and torso out of a palm tree and it says this.Hey kids! im marty monkey. when i get bored i hide some where around the store. if you find me, you pass the test ! you can pick a treasure from our treasure chest! so the kids look all around for this stuffed animal monkey we hide. it's pretty fun. for me, it's kind of enjoyable that marty is an ugly and stupid name i just wrote down without too much thought. but the kids don't think so. i always hear them talk about him like a celebrity. the treasure right now is easter candy and pencils. these two boys came up today, like 5 and 7 years, with there mom and said, "we found marty."so i said, "ok, pick a prize out of here." so they spent a few minutes digging through the chest until the older kid found a pencil he wanted. it was red and white striped and he said to me,but without looking at me,"red is my favorite color cause it reminds me of the blood of christ who died for our sins." i said, "me too" and the mom just started rolling on like she didn't hear anything. pretty awesome , huh?

mind changing

2005-03-17T21:19:00.000-08:00

i worked a the simi valley trader joes yesterday and today. it was alright. my ex-arch-enemy was there. i guess i'll tell you why she used to be my enemy. it's too long and boring. i'll tell you that a lot of times when i might get sent somewhere cool or get a cool extra project at work, she's usually up for the same project . sometimes i get it (that's when i think shes alright) and somethimes she gets it (thats when she blows). but i worked with her because this store was in the midst of a trader joes emergency. they had so little signage and informational boards people were litteraly running into each other and falling over. i couldn't believe it! so both her and i had to go and make signs. it turns out she's not so bad. she's actually pretty of fun to work with. i went back to the gay porn store tonight. got some chocolate for emily. once i came out of there and these two teens on the curb said, "you dropped your cock ring!" before it registered what they were talking about i looked around on the ground which was embarassing. i wanted to drive by and egg them but then i thought they might remember my car and who knows what.

my dad told me a funny story. he said, "micah, don't tell mom this but the other day these kids were listening to this real vulger rap music really loud. ya know like," f this and f that. "so, i told them they should turn it down and they were like,' hey f you man' and all this. so you know what i did? i went home and got some eggs and drove by and they were still there so threw em all at them. i think i got them pretty good."

INSIGHT TIME

YOU: i hate being broke. i wish i were dead! wa wa waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
ME:wait a minute! now come on now. there are some good things about having no money. what do you do with money when you have it? you buy what you need, of course, but you also impulse buy. like, pretend you need goggles, for instance. if you had money you'd buy the first goggles you find (if you're like me). then you get them home and either you forget them because you bought 6 other things while you were out or you find out about some others that are much better.now, if you're broke, you'll just dream about your goggles and research every pair on the web for months . then, when you save enough money and buy the exact ones you want you'll be thrilled for weeks because you're not buying anything else. thats the only new thing you have.
YOU: waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

nametag maddness

2005-03-11T23:22:00.000-08:00

hey ya'll, just got back from the gay porn store to get emily some chocolate. nothing wierd happened......this time. i love friends, it means the simpsons are on. emily wont turn the channel. she thinks the simpsons are too sad. i went to the mall to paint a little logo on a window yesterday but the guy never showed up. i hung out for a long time at fi fi. it was boring. the girl there was super concerned that i wasn't making enough money. she had a lot of ideas for me like, investing or teaching. i didn't even tell her i had no money. work was fun. kind of. i made like twelve people special nametags on plexglass a week or so ago. it was a bad mistake. i didn't realize how many people work at our store and now they all want one. not even that they're so super cool or anything, i think it's more like, "oh, you made one for him but you don't make one for me?" i'm very busy and they keep harassing me about their nametag. the different requests are , batman logo, their truck, their car, another truck, two surfboards, mexican flag, and three girls wanted pink. there are like 50 people that work there. oh well. i don't want to talk about that anymore. i'll give you guys some good ideas and then go to bed.

IDEA TIME

You:people loan me things and i always lose or break them.
Me: you have to stop borrowing things. it's so tempting to borrow a dvd or a book, when someone offers, but you have to resist. one reason is, it's just easier to lose or break someone elses thing. i don't know why, it just is. another reason is you owe someone something then. like, this pain-in-the-ass guy at my work, let me borrow his air compressor so he talked me into making him a nametag. i made one for everyone else working that night for fun and that's how all the harassment started. then he let me borrow his tablesaw. which was nice, but his name tag broke and he had all these specifications for his new one like, lighter, and with a different pen-thing and all this. i told him i was too busy and he said, " i loan you my tools and you won't make me a little nametag?" so im making this guy a nametag cause i owe him. see my point?
You:thanks for the preaching! jeeze. can i have my fake throwup back now?
Me:we'll see.

2005-03-07T01:19:00.000-08:00

An American Hero

2005-03-05T00:17:00.000-08:00

hey ya'll. sorry i haven't written in a while. i hope you found something to entertain yourself with while i was away. next time i don't write for a while look a snopes.com or something to pass the time. have you ever been so thirsty you think you could drink a lake? i have. in fact i am right now. i've been drinking water all night. what, you don't believe me?! just come over here and bring some water. no mater how much you bring i bet i can drink it. i left my groceries at the store. i feel dumb. you ever feel like every moment of the day you're doing something stupid and you might not even know it? i do. bet i'm doing something dumb right now. on the way home from work i was remembering when i was dumb on the radio. i met an entertainment reporter in colorado. he found out i was an animation major and said," you know, i am fascinated by that stuff. you wanna come on my show and talk about animation?" i said yes, of course, but i was so excited to be on the radio i forgot that ,not only did i not really like animation but i didn't know anything about it either. on the air he said, " so what's going on in animation?" i said, " um, well, a, lets see, they've been doing cool things with water and stuff" see? just stupid. that was the best, smartest thing i said during the interview too. ladies and gentlemen, that isn't the dumbest i've been. ok, but i do have some good ideas though.

IDEA TIME

You: i'm always getting in trouble for slacking off at work.
Me: i have an idea for you. when you're boss is away, do a big project that was supposed to take a couple of days or weeks, then hide it and don't tell anyone. when you find you've goofed around all day and you're boss says, "you, what have you been working on" you'll always have this project and you'll say, " oh....just... THIS!" he will be speechless.
You: thanks for the tip. i'm at work right now and i just realized i'm not wearing a shirt.
Me: that sucks

stalling

2005-02-24T11:21:00.000-08:00

i need to go to work but i just can't. i'm so glad to rain stopped. it was getting depressing. the only good thing about the rain is it gets us closer to beating 1883's record. do you realize 1883 is just laughing at us right now? we're like 4 inches away. i really should go to work because there is a tasting right now. i'm gonna get so trashed. then i'm gonna help customers and say things like, "have you heard the expression, 'up shit creek without a paddle'" when they wonder where their favorite cream cheese went. ok, let's do this thing! see you later.

new baby

2005-02-22T10:57:00.000-08:00

my sister just had her baby this morning. i'm really excited. his name is jude brian palser. they live in nebraska.

work fun

2005-02-21T01:06:00.000-08:00

i had fun at work tonight. i finished my painting of all the demo people. it went pretty well. a couple of them weren't super attractive in the conventional sense so it was a trick to make it look like them but not just like them. i eat a whole lot at work. i've worked at many, many restaurants, like, between 7 and 12 or something and i've eaten more at trader joe's than all my other jobs put together. so congratulate me on that. i'm the only one that knows where the trail mix samples are. they're buried under two boxes. go ahead and fill out an application and get a job there. even with my clue you'll never find them. i'm loving black history month this year. there have been tons of awesome shows on pbs and npr. tune in.

now, ideas.
You: micah, i hate dull pencils but there is never a sharpener around when you need one.
Me: buy a little metal sharpener and carry it around in your pocket with your keys and change. you'll be surprised how much you use it!
You: thanks, can i have a drink of your soda?
Me: sure.

saturday morning

2005-02-19T12:48:00.000-08:00

hey ya'll, I'm having a pretty good saturday so far. emily has collected all the change in the house from the couch and everything and made a cool little rectangle on the ground. she's almost done counting. $12.35 total! that's pretty good. i watched a show about corvettes earlier. I wish i was a stylish car designer in the fifties. I would say something like, "this whole dash part will be made out of our hardest, shiniest plastic and polished steel with little pointy things sticking out!" or, "safety? safety?! Dobbs, you're off the team." then i talked to my dad. he was on his motorcycle he said, "i'm on my motorcycle. i'm talking on the cell phone in my helmet." wow. i'm going to work after lunch. i have to paint charactures of all the demo people on the side of the demo station. i suck at it. i keep finding other projects, like cleaning or eating all of the demo for that day. later.

sorry y'all

2005-02-18T02:58:00.000-08:00

sorry to do this to y'all but it's just something i want to do. i'm turning this into a pay blog. as in, you send a check for 37 cents everytime you click on this page. i'll post a P.O. box in a week or so, so keep track of how many times you look at this. it's all on the honor system so be honest guys!

Yes, let's

2005-02-18T01:51:00.000-08:00

i have a blog now too. i want to thank everyone in advance for welcoming me into your blog community. you may find it strange just how many punctuation, grammatical and spelling errors there are in my writing.
You: is he supid and midwestern?
Me: hardly. you see, i've got a contest going. the 3rd sunday of every month i challenge the reader to find all the mistakes from the last 3rd sunday. if you're the first person to identify all of the "shtinckle-quarps", i will proclaim, "you did it ya bastard!" and overnight you one of my comb-harmonicas i make here in my apartment. music anyone?

You: micah, how do you get through you work day without getting too bored?
Me: I record internet comedy radio onto my minidisc and listen to it on my headphones. even if it isn't too funny the talking fells kind of like conversation.
You: that's a reeeealy good idea.
Me: thanks. i have some ideas even better than that. stay tuned......